Sunday, July 8, 2012


Everyone has fears; spiders, heights, snakes, etc.  I believe in facing your fears.  I have a small fear of heights, but I didn’t let it stop me from climbing up Angels Landing at Zion in Utah.  At the top of this beautiful cliff is the place fear set in.  It was hard to look over the edge and the climb down was a wee bit scary.  Although through the climb up and down my fear was not over whelming, it did not take over and freeze my actions.  I carried on and the experience was amazing.

Fear of abandonment. I guess I always felt this because, I always feel, left out, forgotten, ignored, abandoned.  I do not know yet how to face this fear.  So all I can say is that it will always be a work in progress.  It goes along with the fear of being alone. Not alone as in no spouse; alone as in I never go to movies, alone, concerts, out to eat.  So with the face your fears objective I went to Europe alone.  I met friends for part of the trip and then for the rest I was alone.  It was awful.  I found myself at times unable to leave the hotel. I came home more of recluse than usual.  So now 6 years later I am traveling again alone for 12 days the entire time; alone.  I am hoping that this trip will be a step in facing my alone fear.  I am not sure even if it’s alone that I fear, because I can shop alone, workout alone, travel alone, and I love the beach alone.  I know it is a desire for company, someone, people to share the experience with that I am longing for.  People say you will meet people.  I never meet people here in my home city and I do not like talking to random strangers.  I realize that maybe this is a stubborn attitude, but it is fear that takes over and makes me mute, makes me unable to be friendly and I do not know how to change that. I hope this vacation will reduce my fears.  Follow my trip here and hopefully at the end of it I will overcome this obstacle and as a bonus, maybe I will come back inspired to paint new pieces for an October exhibit coming up and work on some photography.  Stand by…